You are at liberty to make choices about who influences your life. You may find yourself experiencing circumstances with family members, work associates or an intimate relationship in which you have convinced yourself perhaps through a lack of mindfulness, that you have no choice about who is and is not influencing your life. I am reminded of the often used saying; 'You can choose your friends but you can't choose your family' and although half of that statement is true it occurs to me that surrendering your right to chose those individuals who assist in the formation of your life-experience is nothing less than a cop out.
Sure, you may not be in a position of immediate influence when it comes to your neighbor who has been fixing his roof for years and in your mind is bringing down property values in the neighborhood or that family member who always comes knocking on your day off just when you were looking forward to some quiet time. But, by deciding to surround yourself with individuals who love and nurture you, the individuals and circumstances which do not support you will slowly be eclipsed by the ones who do.
Here is an exercise I have found useful in determining the value of the choices I make pertaining to people I allow into my sphere of influence; Draw a circle on a blank piece of paper. Consider those people who love you unconditionally, and who support your every need to the best of their ability. Do not include people who feel they 'must' love and support you, who may or may not include family members. You want to get at those individuals who love and respect you without question and under any circumstance. You may be somewhat challenged, but hopefully you can think of at least one individual who fits this role. Now, write that person's name(s) in the centre of your circle.
Now, consider the people in your life-experience who love and respect you sometimes, under certain circumstances, especially the circumstances that are going their way, but sometimes offer you negative emotion and energy. These could be people at work who accept your contribution but are critical of your methods, or a family member who says they love you but is very quick to pull their support and communication if they disagree with a choice you have made in your life. Write the names of these people around the outside of your circle.
Take your time with this exercise and once you are done, look at your 'sphere of positive influence' and ask yourself why you are allowing those people outside the circle, the ones who love and support you only when certain conditions prevail, to affect your life-experience. There is very often a common reason we allow these peripheral people into our lives. Most often, it is because we feel a sense of unworthiness toward ourselves. Often subtle and not easily defined, we actually use these people to punish ourselves for unresolved conflicts within ourselves. These unresolved conflicts lead to feelings of 'I don't deserve better' or 'I am powerless to change things' whereas the individuals within our circle exercise who are truly loving and unconditionally supportive are often overlooked and we tend to undervalue their genuine love and authenticity.
Make it a part of your consciousness to evaluate the people you spend time exchanging energy with by asking yourself whether or not a person is genuinely interested in your greater good. Without judging, and through detached observation, you will slowly fill your inner circle with people who do and you will begin to spend less and less time with those on the outside. As you honour your own greater good, you begin to nourish your personal needs in many ways. Identifying the few unconditionally loving people in your life and holding them near and dear is one way. -A.N
